Tonight I Need to Empty My Gut
from Mary N.

Hi Ed,  Right from the get go I'm going to admit that I haven't had time to read your mail from October I will.  Tonight I need to empty my gut. I sure hope this is cleansing for me. Maybe there are some other flakers out there in cyberspace who are feeling the same way I do. I know that the  non-flakers who are a part of my life feel as I do. This has been as stressful a time as I've known since the Viet Nam war.

We decided in November of last year to relocate to Florida, hoping the move from the cold northeast would help my out-of-control P. We had to sell our home (the only place that our children thought of as home) and leave all of our family and friends. But we are strong and I knew we could do this.

We put the house on the market after spending weeks clearing out all the stuff we had collected over 31 years. It was a cleansing experience for me. Most of our family and friends thought we were nuts but they don't live with the desperation that I do. We sold the house for our asking price. We settled at the end of July and we were on our way after the going away party. Now we had to stay in a brand new villa in Florida with the dog.

All of you dog owners know that every dog knows that this is not my permanent home even as you explain to them that it is really is, and we’ll never move again. We got through that, too. We're lucky. We have a great dog. Now we get the furniture out of the storage and have another moving company deliver it to us in Florida. We've sold the bedroom suite that was our first purchase 31 years ago. We've sold the Dining set that we bought 29 years ago. Now I'm ready. We've got China, Crystal, Orientals … you name it, and office equipment out the ####. 

But we didn’t have a bed to sleep in. At this point, I must interject that my skin is not cooperating with this move. No problem. I will overcome  and I will go into a state of remission. I have everything under control!

Oh.  Did I forget to mention that our son is getting married back home? Oh and another thing, her family has no money to pay for the very expensive wedding so the bride, groom and his parents are footing the bill.

We're 11 days from the wedding and the seating has finally been done. My husband had a great idea. Go out and play a round of golf and relax. I did. The date was September 11.

Fortunately for me I was one of the lucky ones in the U.S. We spent all of our lives, except for three years, in the Philadelphia area. Now it gets hard to express my feelings.

As I type I have tears streaming down my face. We left Florida early for the wedding because our adult children were so ripped by this  catastrophe. I'm sure in his heart our son didn't think the day he and his bride had planned for over a year would take place as planned on the 22nd. But it did! On the 23rd. we took them to the airport to fly to St. John for their honeymoon. On the way to the airport he asked his dad if he thought that there would be a draft. My husband said, “No.” He added that the last time we had a draft he thought the age was 18 to 26. Our son is 26. Our son looked at both of us and said, “I won't try to get out of it if they want me. I will serve.” (Pausing here for tears.)

We couldn't have been prouder. For those of you who are baby boomers, this generation doesn't really know about war. And we are proud that we were able to raise a totally spoiled son who does care.

Our 25 year old daughter is another story. She almost lost a good friend because her superior told her to go back to her desk in Tower 1. Fortunately, she didn't listen and raced to her safety. She has another friend who was sitting at her desk and I'm not clear about what building she was in. I know it wasn't Tower 1 or 2, but the poor young lady has an indelible memory of a man in a business suit falling passed her window.

I've always tried to put my P in perspective and have tried to live my life without fear or shame. I've tried to be brave, knowing that it could get worse. I'll take P any day over what these people in N.Y. had to and are still enduring. I must add that my husband and I have both felt from the get-go that no terrorist will stop us from living our lives. We are both doing flights this month. So Sorry for being so lengthy.  -Mary N.

*****

Ed’s response:  Don’t be sorry, Mary.  Your recounting speaks for many of us.  Thank you for taking the time to share.  -Ed

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